Doubt


As the time draws nearer, the excitement of your return is apparent in each and every breath.  I was completely crushed when the words extended mission crossed my instant messenger.

WHAT? Are you kidding me?  You guys are about to leave, your mail has been cut off, and packages containing your precious movies and games that have kept you occupied over the months are already on their way home. Why would they do this? The thought of not talking to you on my way to work, or the lack of instant messages reminding me how much you love me and miss me will haunt me over these next long days & nights.  I’m frustrated, and nervous.

His responses are always so calm, and reassuring as he moves me into a calmer and less angry degree.  Don’t worry, babe.  It’s no different from any of the other missions that we’ve done.  We had one longer than this, and you can see that I’m okay.

He kinda left me with that to chew on.  As I stood there alone, quietly and thinking, my mind was completely subdued to his words.  He’s so right.  Why would I even have a doubt in his ability to complete a mission successfully?  With the time ticking nearer to his return, there’s no reason to fill my mind with doubt or worry.  Time to look at the positive as he reminds me to do so frequently.  By the time he gets back, he should be almost ready to come home.  This is it.  This is my future about to return.  Oh how excited will I be to see him home again!  To remove the stickers that I placed on the window of my car that signify his deployment.  To never have to say the words mission in fear or worry again.  And to be able to come home and see my man in front of me, to touch him, to kiss him.  My future.  Yes… I’m ready.

But that dark and ugly cloud of doubt still haunts me.  A personality trait that I can’t change.  I know how it destroys, how it breaks me down, but this time I won’t let it.  I promised my man I will have confidence in him.  I will not let him down.  I will put away my umbrella and I’m going to stand in the sun.

To you my love, I will see you soon.  You have my heart, and you’ve given me yours.  You’ve shown me strength that I didn’t know I had.  This is for you.  I love you, and I’m proud of you.

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Valentine’s Day


Well everyone, Valentine’s Day is approaching.  I’ve never been much of a participant in Valentine’s Day, as I was always told by my EX that it was a made up holiday by greedy merchants to make money off of sorry saps that believe they need to buy something for their significant other.  Since I have removed the blindfold that the EX kept on me for so many years, I realize that he must have just been to lazy to think of a kind gift from the heart… thus I’m again so happy I moved on.  I decided to do some quick and completely unverified research on the history of Valentine’s Day.

From my fast speed reading, I’ve learned that there are multiple versions of the St. Valentine story.  One version is as follows (in a nutshell).  St. Valentine was a Bishop in 270 AD.  During this time when the Roman Empire was growing rapidly, there was a need for the recruitment of soldiers and officers to protect the Empire. When Claudius became an emperor, he believed that young men were too attached to their families after marriage, making the men weak solders, so he did not agree with men getting married at a young age.  St. Valentine did not agree with the ban that Claudius had put on marriage, and began to secretly join young men and women in matrimony.  The story goes on, but in the end it was said that St. Valentine was executed on February 14th.

Fast forward to our ages now.  As I mentioned, I never really celebrated Valentine’s Day until last year.  I fell in love with my soldier, and I wanted to be a part of the love that Valentine’s day is supposed to be about.  As a gift, I decided on making my boyfriend a photobook.  I went to a respectable website and uploaded our photos from (at the time) a recent local vacation we took at the beach.  I was able to assemble and comment on each of the pictures and they were put together professionally at a pretty good price.  It was printed and shipped fast.  For all of you that love the look of a scrapbook but lack the fancy gene, a photobook is perfect for you.  It really is like scrapbooks for dummies. In return, my honey gave me a black and white print of an old eucalyptus tree that has our names carved in it with a heart around it.  It’s really super cute, and I framed it and hung it in my bedroom.

This year is a little more tricky.  Since we are still on opposite sides of the globe, it was a bit more of a challenge to think of something just as special – and more unique than last year.  Since my boyfriend reads my blog, I cannot post my gift on here tonight.  I will however say that I’m so excited about this gift, and I really hope it turns out even better that what I expect.  It will be packaged with the ‘not-so-plain’ care package, which is part of the surprise… Again, I cannot post details on the care package, sorry!  I can count on my two hands the people who know what the gift is, and I intend to keep it that way, at least until he has his gift in hand.

I feel that love is a treasure, and that it shouldn’t only be something that is shared 1 day of the year.  I also know that Valentine’s Day shouldn’t be treated like an over-rated commercial holiday where you give a box of chocolates and a card because you have to.  Make Valentine’s Day an opportunity to remind yourself of the reason you fell in love.  Make it special to you and your significant other.  Whether it is an exchange of a gift, a romantic evening out, or well needed time together in, take full advantage of this romantic holiday, and don’t forget to say “I love you”.

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A Soldier’s Christmas


The decorations are up

The Christmas songs are loud

For Christmas this year

You’re making me proud.

I can’t imagine how Christmas must be

alone overseas, so we can be free.

Some families hang stockings and mistletoe

I hang a yellow ribbon, till you come home.

I see couples holding hands or sharing a kiss,

A date using Skype is my only wish.

On Christmas Eve we won’t be cuddling by the fire,

but your heart is still my only true desire.

When I wake up on Christmas morning

I won’t get your hugs or kisses

but know that I will always love you

this will just be a memory together next Christmas.

With love,

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