Doubt


As the time draws nearer, the excitement of your return is apparent in each and every breath.  I was completely crushed when the words extended mission crossed my instant messenger.

WHAT? Are you kidding me?  You guys are about to leave, your mail has been cut off, and packages containing your precious movies and games that have kept you occupied over the months are already on their way home. Why would they do this? The thought of not talking to you on my way to work, or the lack of instant messages reminding me how much you love me and miss me will haunt me over these next long days & nights.  I’m frustrated, and nervous.

His responses are always so calm, and reassuring as he moves me into a calmer and less angry degree.  Don’t worry, babe.  It’s no different from any of the other missions that we’ve done.  We had one longer than this, and you can see that I’m okay.

He kinda left me with that to chew on.  As I stood there alone, quietly and thinking, my mind was completely subdued to his words.  He’s so right.  Why would I even have a doubt in his ability to complete a mission successfully?  With the time ticking nearer to his return, there’s no reason to fill my mind with doubt or worry.  Time to look at the positive as he reminds me to do so frequently.  By the time he gets back, he should be almost ready to come home.  This is it.  This is my future about to return.  Oh how excited will I be to see him home again!  To remove the stickers that I placed on the window of my car that signify his deployment.  To never have to say the words mission in fear or worry again.  And to be able to come home and see my man in front of me, to touch him, to kiss him.  My future.  Yes… I’m ready.

But that dark and ugly cloud of doubt still haunts me.  A personality trait that I can’t change.  I know how it destroys, how it breaks me down, but this time I won’t let it.  I promised my man I will have confidence in him.  I will not let him down.  I will put away my umbrella and I’m going to stand in the sun.

To you my love, I will see you soon.  You have my heart, and you’ve given me yours.  You’ve shown me strength that I didn’t know I had.  This is for you.  I love you, and I’m proud of you.

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